High school seniors: Everything will be okay
I’ve been asking myself for awhile now: how can I help?
I hope this piece gives you some amount of reassurance and I wish you all the best going forward.
Confused. Lost. Ashamed.
These are some of the feelings that I remember all too well — and some of the feelings that all of you may share.
Your circle of love may be telling you that you shouldn’t have to compare yourself to your peers that are getting into top colleges, but you can’t help it.
For how else can we measure our ‘success’? How else can we prove that these first 18 or so years has been worth all the pain, all the suffering, all the sleepless nights, and all the sacrifices — that we and perhaps our parents have endured?
For some of you, you may have been rejected from your ‘top’ or ‘dream’ school. For others, you may have been swamped with rejection after rejection, and you see no hope with the remaining choices.
I assure you — you are not alone.
And it is during times like these, that we must remember to not dwell on our pain alone, but with others that are there to support us.
Then I’ll challenge you to think about why exactly your heart is set on a particular institution.
Is it because it’s a ‘good’ school? That it’s highly ranked? Prestige?
Because your friends want to go there?
Because of the atmosphere? Community?
If you find that your school preferences tend to lean on the disingenuous side, I encourage you to reconsider.
But whatever reason you have for wanting to be at a particular school, one thing will always hold true: you never know where you truly belong until you are there.
That dream school, that environment that you think you will fit into — how do you know for sure you’ll fit in there? How do you know for sure that you can’t fit in somewhere else?
But I understand. It’s hard not to have a set place that we see ourselves in — because it’s much easier than imagining a multitude of different possibilities that give rise to the unknown.
Back then, I was quite fixated on Berkeley. I didn’t want to imagine a life at Davis, where I would be following in the footsteps of my siblings. I absolutely didn’t want to consider living in LA, where I would be forced to room with my brother hehe. But I guess, looking back, I never wanted to consider applying to universities for a second time. It was all too painful the first time.
I started my college journey at a community college and you’ll typically hear two different reactions from students: either they love it or hate it. But it turns out, for those that harbored negative feelings towards their community college, they didn’t fully take advantage of the resources and opportunities available for them — because they were so fixated on society’s expectations and negative views on community colleges. Their negative attitudes and feelings towards the institution and their circumstances led to the downward spiraling dynamic.
It’s quite odd that we tend to expect certain institutions to ‘give’ us the best experiences. But wherever you go, wherever you end up — you alone, are responsible for making the best experiences for yourself.
Some of us aren’t so lucky. Though we didn’t get into our dream school, we also haven’t been so lucky with others — and now we’re terrified.
All of you are facing rejection on different levels — but however much, rejection hurts. We may feel confused for we thought that we were well qualified — and so we begin to doubt ourselves.
Admissions is not perfect. Not only that, but schools will definitely have some sort of ideal student that they prefer, and that will vary among schools. Though you may think you are a qualified applicant, you may not have fit a certain mold that schools look for.
And though you may not have been acknowledged and/or recognized by an institution, by no means — does that define you.
Rejection will always only be a part of you. But they will never define you.
I wholeheartedly believe in all of you. I don’t say that to arrogantly imply that I know all of you on a personal level, but because I choose to believe that one day — maybe not today, or the day after, but sometime in the future — you will see that you are so much more than somebody chained by expectations.
I too, was scared of the unknown. I was rejected from every university that I applied to and community college was my only option. But if I had allowed myself to label myself as a failure right there and then, I would have never succeeded in so many different ways at my community college, and I would have never thrived and blossomed even further at UC Berkeley.
If I had allowed myself to compare myself to my friends that had been accepted to every university you could think of, I would never be satisfied with who I am at any stage in my life.
All that matters — now, tomorrow, and forever after — is you. Your attitude towards wherever you end up — is up to you. How much of a great experience college is — is up to you. How you let society’s unrealistic and toxic expectations affect you and your perceived self-worth — is up to you.
We love to say that the youth are the future, yet by holding you back with our societal expectations and insecurities —you never get to become who you can truly be. All of you — are so much more than what society perceives you to be.
If the ‘best’ school rejects you, then screw em. I say they missed out on extending an invitation to the best person :-)
Trust in yourself and those that love you that everything will be okay. You all deserve so much more than all this comparing, all this pressure, and all this doubt. Because you matter — and you deserve to be happy.
If you still feel lost, confused, or worried, please reach out. Whether you need information on alternative routes, or comfort with rejection — whatever it may be — my doors are always open and I will always make time for those that need me. Feel free to e-mail me at kevintran@berkeley.edu or PM me on Facebook
